Finding Noel...

So, I started reading this amazing book yesterday. It's a new release called Finding Noel, by Richard Paul Evans. For those of you who don't know, I'm in this "self actualization" stage of life, and all the books I'm reading kinda fall into this category. Most of the are fictional stories (although almost always based on fact) and parallel beliefs about life's great mysteries: love, religion, and the pursuit of happiness.

That being said, I thought I would share quotes and excerpts from this book that I find to be valuable. It's a story of a guy who has a chance meeting with a woman, whose sheer entrance into his life because a course of change that he would never imagine. He's sufered great loss, is severly depressed, has had his heart broken, and is severly downtrodden....to the point that he is ready to end his life. Then, with one tiny incident, his life takes amazing turns...

So here's goes:

"When I was a boy, my mother told me that everyone comes into our lives for a reason. I'm not sure if I believe that's true. The thought of God weaving millions of lives together into a grand human tapestry seems a bit fatalistic to me. Still, as I look back at my life, there seem to be times when such divinity is apparent. None is more obvious to me than that winter evening when I met a beautiful young woman named Macy and there ensued the extraordinary chain of events that encounter set in place.

Of course such a theory carried to the extreme would mean that God sabotaged my car that night because, had my car's timing belt no broken at that precise moment, this story would never have happened. But it did, and my life was forever changed. Perhaps my mother was right. If God can align the planets, maybe He can do the same to our lives."

"If love isn't blind it's at least horribly nearsighted."

"I now believe that under the right circumstances we are all capable of things we'd never think possible."

'My mother used to say, "Man's extremities are God's opportunities." She also used to say, "Be kind to everyone - you don't know what cross they're bearing and how sweet that kind word might ring."

"That night was the start of a journey that taught me that one truth can change everything."

"Nothing heals the soul like chocolate," she said. " I just love chocolate. It's God's apology for broccoli."

"I can't believe I'm telling you all this."/"We always tell our deepest secrets to strangers."/"Why do you think that is?"/ "Maybe it's because they can't use them against us."

"All bad things pass with time. YOu can trust me on that."

"My mother was right. Angels do walk on earth."

"I've wondered why it is that some people come through difficult times bitter and broken while others emerge stronger and more empathetic? I've read that the same breeze that extinguishes some flames just fans others. I still don't know what kind of flame I am."

Forces of Nature

There's a balance in this world. I understand that. Ying and yang. Good and bad. Good and evil. Happy and sad. I totally buy into the idea that no good deed goes unpunished. And I also believe that for every one incident or event that takes place, three events of the opposite will happen to counter that event. I understand it. I get it. I buy into it. But, I don't understand why it happens.

It all started when I accepted the first promotion from at work...remember the one where I took over the Disney position? Things were going great - I was graduating, got promoted, moving up in the world. And then Ian's dad died. And Roxy ended up in the emergency room with a leg gashed open. Following that was a series of smaller, yet significant events that were of the negative persuasion. Then things leveled off. Life had a happy balance again, and I continued on, as though things were normal.

But alas, only a short while later, I lose my position in the company. Yes, my job was eliminated (I'm sure all of you remember that). So, there follows a stressful month of events, as I decided which path to follow, and waited the results of my interview. The positives - I got out of a dreadful work situation, I got promoted, and I was pursuing more of a positive direction in my carrier. Following that was a series of smaller, yet significant events that were of the positive persuasion...used to balance out the blow of the job elimination.

Once my promotion took shape, things headed down a negative path again. This really great event takes place where my career is shaping up, and blamo, first it's Porkchop's life threating weekend in the ER from an overdose. Then Dallas, which was fabulous, and went smoothly. But following my trip to Dallas, the best friend who I just saw in Dallas after three years, e-mails me to tell me his mother has died. Unexpectedly. From a heart attack. Following a party to celebrate her remission from cancer. Horrible and heart-wrenching. Then everything kinda stablized...life had a balance, and I braced myself, waiting for the big number three event to happen.

Like I said, things happen in three. When good happens, three bads happen. When bad happens, three goods happen. So far, there were two....I knew three was coming.

So, I thought it was over when Roxy ended up with a gashed leg again. Nope. I thought it was over when Ashley, the nextdoor neighbor, almost died in the hospital from a gallbladder surgery gone WAY wrong. Nope.

Then today....I receive a phone call from my Mom. She sounds like she's crying, but I think it's just allergies. Not too odd for my Mom to call me in the middle of the day. "Hi Mom!," I say, thinking she's calling to confirm the time for Thanksgiving dinner. "What's up?" "I had an accident," she says. You can imagine that my reaction that followed can only be put in a rated R movie, first braced with a warning that no young viewers should be allowed to watch. "Oh my God! What happened?!?!, " I cried. "I fell. I broke my arm. It's the same arm with the rod in it, and the rod went through the bone and shattered it." AGHHHH!!!!!!!!! So, here I am, approximately three hours after getting this call, waiting for news of the outcome of my mother. She spent about six hours this morning in the ER, followed by so far 4 1/2 hours at Florida Hospital, waiting to see the surgeon that put the rod in her arm. Apparently, he's supposed to fix it. Which means emergency surgery, likely today or tomorrow....and surely at least a day or so in the hospital recovering... It's now just a waiting game - I'm waiting for her or my stepfather to call me and tell me the outcome and where she'll land her feet for the day....

I hope this is number three. I don't think I can take much more than this.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed...

I'm exhausted. Shear utter and total exhaustion. I have hit that stage in the job where I am questioning what I got myself into. I know that's part of the "new job" change...where there's the honeymoon period, and then the "oh shit" period. I hit the "Oh, Shit" period somewhere between Cocoa Beach and Melbourne on Thursday morning. Two hours into my drive to my meeting with one of my customers (yes, I cover that area as well...I have a HUGE territory), I realized that I was exhausted....and tired...and worn out...and wondering if this was the right step for me. Now, I know that's normal...it's all a part of the new job jitters...but please, someone, keep reminding me that. I feel like I'm ready to jump ship, and I know it's only just begun.

Okay, to make sense of the above ramblings, let me step back a bit. I am on about my third week of 12 hour days. I have not left my house for more than a few hours every day in this three week period, and the walls are starting to close in on me. I also understand that as I get more into my job, I will be home less, and on the road more. But in the meantime, I'm getting tired of getting up at 8am, stumbling into my office in the next room, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, and getting to work.

I'm tired. I need a break. I need some rest. But most of all, I need to succeed. I miss my friends, I miss my family, I miss my life outside of work. Yet, succeeding and not giving into pressure are extremely important to me right now, and thus, here I am, at 8pm at night, taking a break, yes, a break, from my work day.

Pray for me...I need all the strength I can get to get past this stage of the job. =(

The Shit, Hath Hit'ith, The Fan...

So the bomb was dropped on the Sales department today. They are doing another realignment of our Sales team, and are making adjustments and rolling up a bunch of the team members. As one executive put it to me the other day - "there will be options, and packages." The good news - this doesn't effect me. The great news - I just realized how important my new position is to the company and I just got another raise today (well, all 106 of us did).

I don't have much sympathy for the people that are being effected right now....I just went through this same thing in June. I mean, yeah, it stinks to lose your job....but, there's no such thing as security, and changes happen in the corporate world all the time. And it's not like this is a secret....these changes have been coming since April....we just didn't know how.

So, anyway....like I said, this change does not effect me, except for the pay increase, and job security (don't read into that too much...my job is secure but as I said above, there's not really any such thing as security). An extremely odd day....wow, things are going crazy right now.

I'm super busy with the new job, so forgive me for not calling or e-mailing....you all mean the world to me...I'm just consumed by my job. I worked about 12 hours today (not expected of me) and that's an average...not to mention I was in Dallas all last week. Oh, and I found out today that I'm headed back there for another 3 days, right after Thanksgiving. I'm excited, but man, talk about an odd time to do that.

Anyway, glad I dodged the bullet on this one...God's looking out for me!

P.S. - Listening to Better Days, but the Goo Goo Dolls....what a great song!!!

The past week....

Okay, so here an update for those of you wondering about Porkchop and my trip this past week...

Last Saturday evening, Ben and I came home to Porkchop temoring and panting, both uncontrolably. She was running into things and cowering. Earlier in the day, she had injested medication meant for Lilo, and we had not really thought anything about it. Lilo had been taking it for about two years with no side effects, and it was a common drug given out by vets. Six hours later, when we returned, we came home to the above. We were terrified. We immediately gave her food (she ate with the medicine, it was mixed but their bowl was empty) and water, and charcoal pills to absorb up anything that might still be in her system. Since she wasn't showing signs of improvement very quickly, we took her to the emergency vet in Casselberry (1 hr away). By the time we got there, there was still little improvement, and the vet said that she was likely blind (definitely temporary, possibly permenantly) and was not clear if she would improve. They admitted her to the hospital, placed an IV in her, and began flushing her system of the poison. The next morning, as soon as we woke up, we called. They said she had slowed with the tremors, seemed to be more alert, but still no response to light - in other words still blind. By noon, the vet techs said she had not gotten better. Terrified, Ben and I made it to visit her as quick as we could. We saw signs of improvement, but definitely a bumpy road ahead.

I did not feel like going out of town, not sure whether or not my dog would make it out of this, but had to go, and still needed to pack. I have never had a harder time packing in my life - no motivation to get it done. I had hardly any rest, and what I had was not good - I was tossing and turning like crazy with worry. Monday morning, I had to fly out early, and got up at 4:30am, in order to ensure that I was able to see Porkchop before my flight. We picked her up from the emergency vet and once Ben had dropped me off, he took her to a regular vet. They admitted her for the day, and released her that afternoon, stating she was 100% recovered. Talk about relief when I got that message!!!!!

My flight to Dallas was smooth, although I could not rest - I don't sleep well on planes. Not to mention we were in the last seats of the plane, and cramped as hell. The flight seemed to last forever (just under 3 hours), and we landed (we being me and my counterpart, Paul), in the DFW airport. Dallas was beautiful, and a warm 66 degrees when we landed. We shuttled into the heart of Dallas, finding our hotel shortly after 1am. Training had begun. Rushing to our rooms to drop out stuff off, we hustled down to make sure we didn't miss much.

A few minutes into the hello's and greetings from our Executive team, we were in the team building exercises, and finally meeting our people, face to face. Now, understand that aside from Paul and my manager, Jeff, I had not met any of my 15 counterparts in the Southeast territory. We had spoke every day for two hours a day on conference calls, but no face to face interactions. However, at that point, it was like seeing old family - we all bonded immediately and were so glad to finally meet each other!

The week was amazing, full of incredible training and presentations. We toured our corporate offices, met all the executives, and came home better people then we were when we left. I met our CEO, Ken May, and had an incredible conversation with him about the state of our company. He is an amazingly down to earth man, who is moving mountains to make this a better company to work for and do business with. I can honestly say, with conviction, that I have never been so proud to be a part of an organization.

My position is one of 106 of the most important people in the company right now. We are the wave of the future, and everyone knows who we are. It was incredibly strange to meet people who at some point have probably met all 30,000 people this company employs, and to have them shake your hand and tell them it's nice to meet you. And I don't mean, a superficial shake. I mean, "I'm glad I've finally met you, Annie" (without me giving them my name). It felt like Cheers when I was in Dallas - where everybody knew my name....and they were all glad I came.

So, Dallas was amazing! The city is beautiful and somewhere that I can wait to live. I was able to see some of it by day, a lot of it by night (no comment), and see friends while in town. I had an amazing time. I worked hard, partied harder, and was really glad to touch down in Orlando last night. However...."rumor" has it, we're back there in November - HOLLA!

Among the most brilliant song lyrics I've ever heard...

Fix You - Cold Play

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below

When your too in love to let it go

If you never try you'll never know

Just watch and learn

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

The bolded lines are the most brilliant....wow. Just heard this song for the first time and was floored....which is saying a lot, because I'm not a Coldplay fan. Well, wasn't a Coldplay fan. =)

The pain in my head, oh I'd rather be dead...

Icky, Icky, Poo, Poo. That's the way my day has been.

First off, I have a very bad headache. No, I wouldn't rather be dead...that's a line from a Boyz II Men song. Remember then...yeah, I'm that old. My headache stems from my eyes, which are hurting due to pink eye. Pink eye, you say? Yes, pink eye. Some asshole at work's kids are disease carrying rodents, and I have ended up with pink eye. My eyes are icky and mucusy (gross right) and are a strain on my contacts. So, by the end of the day, I have earned one serious headache.

On top of that, my day started out as serious crap. The pre-madonna I work with was being a total wanker, despite the fact that she has no jurisdiction over my job or schedule anymore. Oh, wait...she never did. Let me explain...

Today was my first day in my new role....or it should have been. I offically started getting paid by the sales department today, and should have begun my transitioning into the new role. But, my manager does not want to release me yet, so that I can assist my replacement with the Disney job. However, he does not want me to assist her, but instead be there in case she has any questions. Isn't that what the phone is for?

So, I was supposed to be home today to receive a FedEx package outlining all my responsibilities over the next six weeks, in regards to training, transitioning, preparing etc. But my manager, who wants me there for questions, did not want me to wait until the FedEx driver to arrive with my package. Instead, he told me on Friday to be in at 9am (my usual time), since we were unsure when the package would arrive.

Shortly after I arrived this morning, however, my manager asked if I had received my package. When I told him no, he asked me why I came in. My response, "you told me to." He insists on Friday that he told me to wait until after the priority deliver hours, meaning come in after 10:30am. Rrrrrrr.....

So, here I am, unprepared for a sales call that I am going to have within about an hour of that interaction, all due to my manager's (wait, ex-manager's) lack of communication to me. Strike 1.

So, I ask him what he wants me to do. He gives me a task and I step into it straight away. To get out of the always crowded office I share(d) with another co-worker and the countdown room, I moved into the ever roomy Assistant Manager pre-madonna's room. Now, mind you, this lady's on a power trip. She's always bossing people around, and feels the need to talk down to people. So, I tell her I'm going to join her in the office, but that I will leave her be.

She then spends the next 20 minutes chastising me for my replacement and I getting over time last week (4 hours each, lad-dee-da....), when the manager was well aware LAST WEEK that we would each be getting overtime, and everyone is aware that we are in the busiest month for WDW and we've just hit the peak of it. However, she wondered why it took two of us the extra hours to get it done. I tried to defend myself...and did for a while, but finally kept my mouth shut. It wasn't worth it. But what was her solution: since I am now salaried, she has decided (not that it's her decision) that I will be staying the extra hours through the rest of the week so that the hourly person now assigned to that job will not end up in overtime. I told her I no longer work for them, and that I was there doing her a favor. She told me not to give her any of that "it's not my job crap." I restrained.... Strike 2.

Strike 3 came later in the afternoon when the same pre-madonna on her high horse reiterated to me that her expectation was for me to stay the extra hours that I was not getting paid for, so that my replacement would not incur overtime on the center's dime. So she expects me to do her team members job, and not my own, to save her payroll (oh, wait...it's not even hers). I finally had it and put her in her place. I told her that I was not willing to stay the extra hours, as I was here to answer questions, and questions only for my replacement. Once she left, I left. I was not staying. Pre-madonna immediately backed down and stuck her tail between her legs. Homerun!!!!!!!!

Now, I'm left with a headache and itchy eyes. I can't wear my contacts, and am straining through my glasses, which is not helping the headache. I am tired, cranky, and frustrated.

Sigh.....uh, oh...looks like someone has a case of the Mondays!