An Open Letter to Men...

(Editorial note: This is written to be silly. I am meaning no arrogance by it. Ben says it sounds arrogant.)

Dear Men:

Let me begin this letter by saying thank you for your adoration and affection. I appreciate that you appreciate me and my fellow women. However, I feel as though it is necessary to provide you with some open and honest feedback about your approach to females and the subsequent flirting, lack of flirting, ogling, and down right embarrassing tactics to get my attention.

First of all, I get it. I'm cute. I'm big breasted, shapely, with a fairly nice ass. I realize that my body is far from perfect, but that I present a buxom look that a lot of men go for. I recognize this as well as that it is in men's nature to look. However, please allow me to provide you with the following feedback:

- When glancing my way, make it less obvious. The once over, followed by the slow pass over my breasts is far more obvious than you think. I'm not blind…I'm know what you're doing. I simply choose to ignore your glances because…well….I find you annoying.

- When trying to be more obvious about your intentions to check me out, please make them less disgusting. While I like being checked out (let's face it, we all do), I don't like feeling like some complete stranger knows what my naughty bits look like. The ogle is much better form when paired with a smile or a wink, and not a whistle or a "hey baby."

- If you are so inclined as to approach me and actually speak to me, please note that my eyes and breasts are not on the same level. My eyes are actually more than a foot above my breast line. You are likely to actually get a response from me if you look me somewhat in my face, or at some point at least glance away from my chest. Oh, and let me go ahead and answer those burning questions of yours': yes, they are real, yes, they are nice, and no, you can't touch them.

- Why would you ask to touch them? They're not your's. God did not grace you with breasts for a reason. God did not grace you with MY breasts for a reason. While, in the heat of the moment with my husband, I tend to like my breasts being touched, no where in that sentence does it say that I want YOU to touch them. Try it, and see what happens. No…seriously. I encourage you.

- Which brings me to my next point: I am married. If the shiny gold diamond ring on my left hand didn't give it away, you would think the fact that I told you I am married would. I am not interested in you, your talents, your skills, or why you think you are better than my husband. Believe me, you aren't. I have no interest in what you have to offer and WILL be going home to my husband, and not your bachelor pad.

- Why do you feel that the wedding ring on my left hand is a green light? Yes, I am married. Yes, that is a real wedding ring you see on my left hand. No, I'm not interested in sleeping with you. No, I'm not interested in you at all. Yes, I am happy with my husband. No, I'm not interested in a threesome.

- On the off chance that you impress me enough to converse with you, please keep the conversation going. I'm not talking to you because I'm wondering what you look like without your pants on. I recognize that you are truly interested in ogling my breasts, but that you are one of the few savvy men that understand that a little chat goes a long way. Yes, I realize that you are not listening to what I have to say. Sadly, you don't realize that I have no interest in what you have to say. I just appreciate that you have made an effort at being more direct but respectful at wanting to ogle at my breasts.

- Just because I wear a low or lower cut shirt, does not mean I am a tramp. I have nice breasts. We have established this. I recognize this….after all, I have seen them every day of my life. Like I mentioned before, I appreciate the looks….but, there's a difference between class and trash. I leave enough to the imagination….and that's all. It will not get to be more than that….no matter how hard you try. But please, by all means, feel free to buy me that $10 drink, chat with me so I can act like I'm listening, and get your obvious glances at my ample bosom out of your system. Your $10 Jack and Diet entrance fee is fair game for a good look at the girls…..but, that's as far as it goes. You will not be seeing more of me than you currently are.

- If you buy me a drink, AND I accept it, the next step is not bed. I've accept it with the understanding that I'm going to have to socialize with you and accept your flirting with light-heartedness. Keep this in perspective. You spent $10 on me….it's going take a lot more than that to get in my pants. Suggest it, and you'll be wearing that drink.

Please do not take any of this as a lack of appreciation for your adoration. While I love the attention, I believe that if your energy was better directed, your results will be exponentially higher. I wish you luck with your quest to find that buxom girl of your fantasies….but, please....heeding my feedback will likely get you that buxom girl that much faster.

Best wishes and happy ogling!

Annie

Can you get arrested for a pre-meditated wreck?

Ok, so here's the deal. I've had enough. I've decided that I'm gonna do what I've been saying for year's I'm gonna do. It's time I take action into my own hands.

I came to this realization on my way home from the grocery store this evening. I was minding my own business, driving slightly over the speed limit when a car crossed two lanes of traffic, "like totally paused" in the median, and pulled out in front of my vehicle with less than 20 feet between my 55 mile per hour moving Jeep and the side of his vehicle. In order to avoid an expensive end to his poor judgment call, I swirved my SUV into the adjacent lane (the EMPTY lane, mind you), and laid on the horn for good measure. After saying several explitives and cutting him off (one good deed deserves another, right?), I made the decision that I was going to take action into my hands.

So, here's the plan. I'm going to by an old car, something unimpressive, with a really shitty body, but that's built like a tank. I'm going to have Ben fashion a full restraint in the car, a neck support, and I'm going to buy a helmet. Then, I'm gonna set out on the road. I will drive normal, safe, and with a sensible mind. However, if somebody decides to act like the fool ealier tonight, I will not swirve. I will not move. I will plow into their precious car at full speed, without breaking, to help make them realize how absolutely stupid, inconsiderate, and dangerous they are. The best part - I lose nothing. I am the one protected, with the crappy tank of a car, that can handle the damage. Them....probably not so much.

So, here's my only thought....can I get in trouble or arrested for pre-meditation? I mean, if I have the helmet, the restraint, all the protection I need, and I don't even try to brake, despite the fact that it's their fault, can I get in trouble?

Sounds great, right? Maybe I'll start a new business. Anyone interested?

New Year's Resolution Update...

It's 2008, and time for a final review of my 2007 new year's resolutions, as well as making my 2008 resolutions.

- Spend more time with my husband. Individual time...quality time. Not, let's run to the grocery store time. So, overall, I think we've done better at this. Definitely can work towards more in 2008, but I think our time together may have become more limited at times, it was quality when we had it.

- Further my education. This does not have to be in the form of actual schooling, but I want to learn more about something. It doesn't even have to be school related, or degree related. I just want to enlighten myself more. Anyone have any suggestions? I have read, read, and read somemore. I've learned some more. Goals for 2008: look into Graduate school more actively and learn to scrapbook.

- Focus on my health. Ah, the innevitable blip about how I do not focus enough on my health goals, and therefore every year challenge myself to do something about it. This year will be no different. At least, in the challenge that is. Hopefully, with some due dilegence, the outcome will change. Focus includes getting rid of excess weight, unwanted cough, blood pressure medicine, and crazy pills. Crazy pills would be an amazing feat....those are likely with me for life. So my health has been a bit of a rollercoaster....but overall, it's been much better than before. I haven't stuck to the gym like I should, but I have dropped approximately 15 lbs since last year that has remained off, and overall I feel healthier than ever.

- Be happier. Stop going through the motions of life and enjoy them. Take some time to stop and smell the roses. Definitely made huge strides here. I have stopped to smell a lot of roses, and worried a lot less.

- See friends and family more. Spend that free time seeing people that you don't normalily get to. See friends as much as possible. Visit family as much as possible. Friends has gotten better...family needs to be seen more.

- Plan outings. Go to them. That's gonna be carried over to 2008.

- Eliminate something significant off that "always wanted to do list." Current ideas: make the t-shirt quilt (this could also serve as the education, since I would need both to complete this task), jump out of a plane, visit California, just to name a few. Ideas? Ok, so I've done a lot of firsts this year....and still coming up with new ones all the time.

- Get myself promoted and out of this current position as near as possible to September 1st. This goal is actually carried over from 2006, but can not be accomplished earlier than the September 1st date. I told myself I'd be in this position for a year...Sept. 1st will be the one year date. Yeah....that's a mess.

- Do not quit my job in March. Sounds silly, I know, but I have a track record of 3.5 years with a company. March 07 will be my 3.5 year mark. I don't have any intentions of leaving, and do not really want to, but it all starts out that way. If I do leave, make it worth while. Still there and ticking!

- Love more, argue less. Smile more, pout less. Definitely improved.

- Overcome my cold calling weaknesses. Not even a fear anymore.

- Don't get fired. So, I don't think I'm at risk, but....well....you never know. =)

- Learn to love my current position. Yeah, another long storry.

- Complete this list prior to December 31, 2007. Not bad....