Friday, October 20, 2006

Forces of Nature

There's a balance in this world. I understand that. Ying and yang. Good and bad. Good and evil. Happy and sad. I totally buy into the idea that no good deed goes unpunished. And I also believe that for every one incident or event that takes place, three events of the opposite will happen to counter that event. I understand it. I get it. I buy into it. But, I don't understand why it happens.

It all started when I accepted the first promotion from at work...remember the one where I took over the Disney position? Things were going great - I was graduating, got promoted, moving up in the world. And then Ian's dad died. And Roxy ended up in the emergency room with a leg gashed open. Following that was a series of smaller, yet significant events that were of the negative persuasion. Then things leveled off. Life had a happy balance again, and I continued on, as though things were normal.

But alas, only a short while later, I lose my position in the company. Yes, my job was eliminated (I'm sure all of you remember that). So, there follows a stressful month of events, as I decided which path to follow, and waited the results of my interview. The positives - I got out of a dreadful work situation, I got promoted, and I was pursuing more of a positive direction in my carrier. Following that was a series of smaller, yet significant events that were of the positive persuasion...used to balance out the blow of the job elimination.

Once my promotion took shape, things headed down a negative path again. This really great event takes place where my career is shaping up, and blamo, first it's Porkchop's life threating weekend in the ER from an overdose. Then Dallas, which was fabulous, and went smoothly. But following my trip to Dallas, the best friend who I just saw in Dallas after three years, e-mails me to tell me his mother has died. Unexpectedly. From a heart attack. Following a party to celebrate her remission from cancer. Horrible and heart-wrenching. Then everything kinda stablized...life had a balance, and I braced myself, waiting for the big number three event to happen.

Like I said, things happen in three. When good happens, three bads happen. When bad happens, three goods happen. So far, there were two....I knew three was coming.

So, I thought it was over when Roxy ended up with a gashed leg again. Nope. I thought it was over when Ashley, the nextdoor neighbor, almost died in the hospital from a gallbladder surgery gone WAY wrong. Nope.

Then today....I receive a phone call from my Mom. She sounds like she's crying, but I think it's just allergies. Not too odd for my Mom to call me in the middle of the day. "Hi Mom!," I say, thinking she's calling to confirm the time for Thanksgiving dinner. "What's up?" "I had an accident," she says. You can imagine that my reaction that followed can only be put in a rated R movie, first braced with a warning that no young viewers should be allowed to watch. "Oh my God! What happened?!?!, " I cried. "I fell. I broke my arm. It's the same arm with the rod in it, and the rod went through the bone and shattered it." AGHHHH!!!!!!!!! So, here I am, approximately three hours after getting this call, waiting for news of the outcome of my mother. She spent about six hours this morning in the ER, followed by so far 4 1/2 hours at Florida Hospital, waiting to see the surgeon that put the rod in her arm. Apparently, he's supposed to fix it. Which means emergency surgery, likely today or tomorrow....and surely at least a day or so in the hospital recovering... It's now just a waiting game - I'm waiting for her or my stepfather to call me and tell me the outcome and where she'll land her feet for the day....

I hope this is number three. I don't think I can take much more than this.

Monday, October 16, 2006

When you try your best, but you don't succeed...

I'm exhausted. Shear utter and total exhaustion. I have hit that stage in the job where I am questioning what I got myself into. I know that's part of the "new job" change...where there's the honeymoon period, and then the "oh shit" period. I hit the "Oh, Shit" period somewhere between Cocoa Beach and Melbourne on Thursday morning. Two hours into my drive to my meeting with one of my customers (yes, I cover that area as well...I have a HUGE territory), I realized that I was exhausted....and tired...and worn out...and wondering if this was the right step for me. Now, I know that's normal...it's all a part of the new job jitters...but please, someone, keep reminding me that. I feel like I'm ready to jump ship, and I know it's only just begun.

Okay, to make sense of the above ramblings, let me step back a bit. I am on about my third week of 12 hour days. I have not left my house for more than a few hours every day in this three week period, and the walls are starting to close in on me. I also understand that as I get more into my job, I will be home less, and on the road more. But in the meantime, I'm getting tired of getting up at 8am, stumbling into my office in the next room, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, and getting to work.

I'm tired. I need a break. I need some rest. But most of all, I need to succeed. I miss my friends, I miss my family, I miss my life outside of work. Yet, succeeding and not giving into pressure are extremely important to me right now, and thus, here I am, at 8pm at night, taking a break, yes, a break, from my work day.

Pray for me...I need all the strength I can get to get past this stage of the job. =(

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

The Shit, Hath Hit'ith, The Fan...

So the bomb was dropped on the Sales department today. They are doing another realignment of our Sales team, and are making adjustments and rolling up a bunch of the team members. As one executive put it to me the other day - "there will be options, and packages." The good news - this doesn't effect me. The great news - I just realized how important my new position is to the company and I just got another raise today (well, all 106 of us did).

I don't have much sympathy for the people that are being effected right now....I just went through this same thing in June. I mean, yeah, it stinks to lose your job....but, there's no such thing as security, and changes happen in the corporate world all the time. And it's not like this is a secret....these changes have been coming since April....we just didn't know how.

So, anyway....like I said, this change does not effect me, except for the pay increase, and job security (don't read into that too much...my job is secure but as I said above, there's not really any such thing as security). An extremely odd day....wow, things are going crazy right now.

I'm super busy with the new job, so forgive me for not calling or e-mailing....you all mean the world to me...I'm just consumed by my job. I worked about 12 hours today (not expected of me) and that's an average...not to mention I was in Dallas all last week. Oh, and I found out today that I'm headed back there for another 3 days, right after Thanksgiving. I'm excited, but man, talk about an odd time to do that.

Anyway, glad I dodged the bullet on this one...God's looking out for me!

P.S. - Listening to Better Days, but the Goo Goo Dolls....what a great song!!!