Who says age ain't nothing but a number?

Yesterday, Ben and I went do dinner at Ruby Tuesday's in the mall. As we were getting ready to leave, a bus boy walked up to the table next to me....I looked over by habit, and realized that it was an old friend from high school. We caught up on times, and I realized how much he had changed. For the better, and I say that with the comment that he was my friend before, and I was happy with who he was (hence, he was my friend), but that I'm glad to see that he's gotten his life more together than in the past (if he's reading this, he'll know what I mean). The thought crossed my mind on the way home that time goes by so fast....I think he's the first person from high school that I've ran into that actually changed - isn't still caught in the high school drama, still holding on to old grudges or memories, and has actually made an effort to do something worthwhile with his life. I'm proud of him. =)

However, ironically enough, I stopped at Sam's today and decided to get my car washed. Some kids were running a chairty car was, the Jeep needed it, and I had to run inside. I didn't ask questions, just made a donation, and went about my business. When I got back to the Jeep, they were still working on it, so I struck up a conversation. Come to find out, these kids were from my high school - despite two high schools being closer to where I was, and about a twenty mile trek from SLHS. Talking to these kids, I heard how much had changed, and was reminded about how glad I was to have those years over, and that life behind me. I chatted up one girl in particular (she was tired of washing cars, I'm sure), and as I walked away to get into my car, I told her, "Do yourself a favor....get out of Clermont after graduation. It's the best decision you'll ever make." She looked at me like I was crazy, and just said, "Okay" to appease me. Poor girl....she'll never learn.

Wow...

Okay, so this is going to sound somewhat retarded....but have you ever had one of those moments where you are watching a movie or television show and you suddenly realize that it's paralleling your life?

I was watching a movie today (which will remain nameless, as I do not want to will this into reality, despite it's already existance), and realized that it was like I was looking at my future....every conversation, every look, every moment, every comment, every everything.....the only difference is that it took place in Chicago, while I lay claim to Orlando. Minor difference...

Finding Noel, Part 2

I finished the book last night....I couldn't put it down. So, here's the rest of what I found valuable:

- Life had taught her that no good day went unpaid for.

- All psychiatrists have issues. Why do you think they became psychiatrists?

- When it comes to hurting children we cannot claim ignorance. Every adult I've ever met has once been a child And some have become more so.

- I have puzzled over the phrase "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Does that mean people intend well but never actually do it? Or that they do good things with bad results? I suppose it doesn't matter much. Either way the right thing doesn't get done.

- Tomorrow my world changes.

- I believe that whatever good or evil we do in this life eventually comes back to us. But in the sace of rampant evil, it brings its friends.

- Sometimes you can't go home again.

- Some people make life harder than it needs to be.

- Oftentimes the greatest hurts in our lives come from running from the smaller ones.

- Sometimes love happens so gradually that by the time you realize you're in it, you're already cooked.

- When you've finally met the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

- Usually life's greatest gifts come wrapped in adversity.

- I have never felt truly at ease around the clean, shiny people of this world. Life has taught me the most trustworthy and honest are usually those who are frayed around the edges. Not always but usually.

- "And then one day I had this epiphany. I realized that being a parent was like being the Wizard of Oz." / I remembered what Macy had said earlier about Joette's life philosophy and I had to hide my amusement. "What do you mean?"/ "You know the part when Dorothy and her friends go to see the Wizard? This big, ominous head talks to them and they're all terrified. The her dog..."/ "Toto, " I said. / "Right. Toto pulls back teh curtain and there's a little man behind it pulling levers and throwing switches. And he says into his microphone, "Ignore the man behind the curtain." I think that being a parent is like being the man behind the curtain. We pretend that we know what we're doing - that we're back behind the curtain throwing levers and switches, doing the best we can." / In spite of myself, I found her explanation interesting. "And then our kids find out that we're not as great as they thought we were?" / "Exactly. And then they're angry and disappointed that we can't meet their expectations - as unrealistic as they are."

- "There are things in my past. Dark things you don't know about. " / "I don't care about your past. It's your future, our future, that I'm thinking about." / "There's no difference. The past is our future." / "That is not true. We can transcend our past." / "Have you?"

- How foolish to believe we have any idea of what is relaly going on around us or that permanency is an earthly option.

- "She loves you, Mark. She's fighting it, but she does. To get through to her it's going to take a lot of faith on your part - enough for both of you. Macy's greatest hurts have come from those who were closest to her. She wants to get close to you. But think of the risk that poses to her. Everything inside her tells her to run. It's self-preservation. And that's a pretty powerful instinct." / "How do you break through that?" / She looked at me for a moment and I saw the answer in her eyes. "With love. Unconditional, unrelenting love."

- I guess it's never too late to find a home.

- I have learned first hand that one well-placed truth can counter a lifetime of ignorance.

- "I told myself it didn't matter. Hearts do that."

- "It was like she'd already given away that part of her heart."

- "That's like asking Mrs. Lincoln how the play was."

- I have come to believe that there are moments too profound to be contained in time.

- But in the meantime make the most of every moment you are blessed to have. Love. Hurt. Laugh. Cry. Dance. Stumble. And drink lots of chocolate!!!

- Remember, in the end what really matters is that you love. You'll make mistakes every day, but somehow love just washes them away like a wave cleansing the beach, and each day you start anew.

- I've come to know that our families are a canvas on which we paint our greatest hopes - imperfect and sloppy, for we are all amateurs at life, but if we do not focus too much on our mistakes, a miraculous picture emerges. And we learn that it's not the beaty of the image that warrants our gratitude - it's the chance to pain.

- Everyone brings baggage into a relationship and the two of us have more than our share. But that's just life. I once read that love is like a rose: we fixate on the blossom, but ti's the thorny stem that keeps it alive and aloft. I think marriage is like that. Like my father said, the things of greatest value are the things we fight for. And in the end, if we do it right, we value the stem far more than the blossom.

Finding Noel...

So, I started reading this amazing book yesterday. It's a new release called Finding Noel, by Richard Paul Evans. For those of you who don't know, I'm in this "self actualization" stage of life, and all the books I'm reading kinda fall into this category. Most of the are fictional stories (although almost always based on fact) and parallel beliefs about life's great mysteries: love, religion, and the pursuit of happiness.

That being said, I thought I would share quotes and excerpts from this book that I find to be valuable. It's a story of a guy who has a chance meeting with a woman, whose sheer entrance into his life because a course of change that he would never imagine. He's sufered great loss, is severly depressed, has had his heart broken, and is severly downtrodden....to the point that he is ready to end his life. Then, with one tiny incident, his life takes amazing turns...

So here's goes:

"When I was a boy, my mother told me that everyone comes into our lives for a reason. I'm not sure if I believe that's true. The thought of God weaving millions of lives together into a grand human tapestry seems a bit fatalistic to me. Still, as I look back at my life, there seem to be times when such divinity is apparent. None is more obvious to me than that winter evening when I met a beautiful young woman named Macy and there ensued the extraordinary chain of events that encounter set in place.

Of course such a theory carried to the extreme would mean that God sabotaged my car that night because, had my car's timing belt no broken at that precise moment, this story would never have happened. But it did, and my life was forever changed. Perhaps my mother was right. If God can align the planets, maybe He can do the same to our lives."

"If love isn't blind it's at least horribly nearsighted."

"I now believe that under the right circumstances we are all capable of things we'd never think possible."

'My mother used to say, "Man's extremities are God's opportunities." She also used to say, "Be kind to everyone - you don't know what cross they're bearing and how sweet that kind word might ring."

"That night was the start of a journey that taught me that one truth can change everything."

"Nothing heals the soul like chocolate," she said. " I just love chocolate. It's God's apology for broccoli."

"I can't believe I'm telling you all this."/"We always tell our deepest secrets to strangers."/"Why do you think that is?"/ "Maybe it's because they can't use them against us."

"All bad things pass with time. YOu can trust me on that."

"My mother was right. Angels do walk on earth."

"I've wondered why it is that some people come through difficult times bitter and broken while others emerge stronger and more empathetic? I've read that the same breeze that extinguishes some flames just fans others. I still don't know what kind of flame I am."

Forces of Nature

There's a balance in this world. I understand that. Ying and yang. Good and bad. Good and evil. Happy and sad. I totally buy into the idea that no good deed goes unpunished. And I also believe that for every one incident or event that takes place, three events of the opposite will happen to counter that event. I understand it. I get it. I buy into it. But, I don't understand why it happens.

It all started when I accepted the first promotion from at work...remember the one where I took over the Disney position? Things were going great - I was graduating, got promoted, moving up in the world. And then Ian's dad died. And Roxy ended up in the emergency room with a leg gashed open. Following that was a series of smaller, yet significant events that were of the negative persuasion. Then things leveled off. Life had a happy balance again, and I continued on, as though things were normal.

But alas, only a short while later, I lose my position in the company. Yes, my job was eliminated (I'm sure all of you remember that). So, there follows a stressful month of events, as I decided which path to follow, and waited the results of my interview. The positives - I got out of a dreadful work situation, I got promoted, and I was pursuing more of a positive direction in my carrier. Following that was a series of smaller, yet significant events that were of the positive persuasion...used to balance out the blow of the job elimination.

Once my promotion took shape, things headed down a negative path again. This really great event takes place where my career is shaping up, and blamo, first it's Porkchop's life threating weekend in the ER from an overdose. Then Dallas, which was fabulous, and went smoothly. But following my trip to Dallas, the best friend who I just saw in Dallas after three years, e-mails me to tell me his mother has died. Unexpectedly. From a heart attack. Following a party to celebrate her remission from cancer. Horrible and heart-wrenching. Then everything kinda stablized...life had a balance, and I braced myself, waiting for the big number three event to happen.

Like I said, things happen in three. When good happens, three bads happen. When bad happens, three goods happen. So far, there were two....I knew three was coming.

So, I thought it was over when Roxy ended up with a gashed leg again. Nope. I thought it was over when Ashley, the nextdoor neighbor, almost died in the hospital from a gallbladder surgery gone WAY wrong. Nope.

Then today....I receive a phone call from my Mom. She sounds like she's crying, but I think it's just allergies. Not too odd for my Mom to call me in the middle of the day. "Hi Mom!," I say, thinking she's calling to confirm the time for Thanksgiving dinner. "What's up?" "I had an accident," she says. You can imagine that my reaction that followed can only be put in a rated R movie, first braced with a warning that no young viewers should be allowed to watch. "Oh my God! What happened?!?!, " I cried. "I fell. I broke my arm. It's the same arm with the rod in it, and the rod went through the bone and shattered it." AGHHHH!!!!!!!!! So, here I am, approximately three hours after getting this call, waiting for news of the outcome of my mother. She spent about six hours this morning in the ER, followed by so far 4 1/2 hours at Florida Hospital, waiting to see the surgeon that put the rod in her arm. Apparently, he's supposed to fix it. Which means emergency surgery, likely today or tomorrow....and surely at least a day or so in the hospital recovering... It's now just a waiting game - I'm waiting for her or my stepfather to call me and tell me the outcome and where she'll land her feet for the day....

I hope this is number three. I don't think I can take much more than this.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed...

I'm exhausted. Shear utter and total exhaustion. I have hit that stage in the job where I am questioning what I got myself into. I know that's part of the "new job" change...where there's the honeymoon period, and then the "oh shit" period. I hit the "Oh, Shit" period somewhere between Cocoa Beach and Melbourne on Thursday morning. Two hours into my drive to my meeting with one of my customers (yes, I cover that area as well...I have a HUGE territory), I realized that I was exhausted....and tired...and worn out...and wondering if this was the right step for me. Now, I know that's normal...it's all a part of the new job jitters...but please, someone, keep reminding me that. I feel like I'm ready to jump ship, and I know it's only just begun.

Okay, to make sense of the above ramblings, let me step back a bit. I am on about my third week of 12 hour days. I have not left my house for more than a few hours every day in this three week period, and the walls are starting to close in on me. I also understand that as I get more into my job, I will be home less, and on the road more. But in the meantime, I'm getting tired of getting up at 8am, stumbling into my office in the next room, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, and getting to work.

I'm tired. I need a break. I need some rest. But most of all, I need to succeed. I miss my friends, I miss my family, I miss my life outside of work. Yet, succeeding and not giving into pressure are extremely important to me right now, and thus, here I am, at 8pm at night, taking a break, yes, a break, from my work day.

Pray for me...I need all the strength I can get to get past this stage of the job. =(

The Shit, Hath Hit'ith, The Fan...

So the bomb was dropped on the Sales department today. They are doing another realignment of our Sales team, and are making adjustments and rolling up a bunch of the team members. As one executive put it to me the other day - "there will be options, and packages." The good news - this doesn't effect me. The great news - I just realized how important my new position is to the company and I just got another raise today (well, all 106 of us did).

I don't have much sympathy for the people that are being effected right now....I just went through this same thing in June. I mean, yeah, it stinks to lose your job....but, there's no such thing as security, and changes happen in the corporate world all the time. And it's not like this is a secret....these changes have been coming since April....we just didn't know how.

So, anyway....like I said, this change does not effect me, except for the pay increase, and job security (don't read into that too much...my job is secure but as I said above, there's not really any such thing as security). An extremely odd day....wow, things are going crazy right now.

I'm super busy with the new job, so forgive me for not calling or e-mailing....you all mean the world to me...I'm just consumed by my job. I worked about 12 hours today (not expected of me) and that's an average...not to mention I was in Dallas all last week. Oh, and I found out today that I'm headed back there for another 3 days, right after Thanksgiving. I'm excited, but man, talk about an odd time to do that.

Anyway, glad I dodged the bullet on this one...God's looking out for me!

P.S. - Listening to Better Days, but the Goo Goo Dolls....what a great song!!!