Often times life feels like it puts things in your way just to harm you. Greater beings, karma, human powers...who knows. But it always seems like the universe has a way of playing you like a puppet on a string. Relationships are often similar. You find yourself in a battle between good and evil, trying to be the good supporter, spouse, friend, and relative. Yet often times you often feel misunderstood, misused, ignored, and forgotten. Sometimes I feel like I'm on an island all my own...like no one in the world notices me. And then there's other times that I wish I was on an island all my own and that everyone would just go away.
I don't appreciate feeling used. I'm sure that statement is an unfair assessment of the context it's being used in, but it's still the way I feel. Often times I don't get the affection I wish for, the attention I crave, or the consideration or understanding I feel I deserve. It's times like that that I feel used and treated like a martyr, a slave, or a ward. "Do this for me?", "Where is that?", "Can you do this?", "I need money for...." I feel like I'm here for everyone else's wants and needs, with no consideration of my own. I get frustrated, disappointed, and annoyed. Then I get cranky, and I take it out on those that make me feel that way. Is it fair? Probably not. Is it warranted? Who am I to be the judge? But I've learned over the years that some things never change, and frustration will always be a part of my existence. I can learn to accept it, fight it, or meet it somewhere in the middle. I'm still trying to figure out which one it is I want to do.
