All that glitters is not gold....

It's a bumpy road we call life. I've learned a lot of things in my short span of time here. Life isn't always what it seems. Enjoy what you have, smile a lot, laugh even more, tell people you love them, and take nothing for granted. The later is a lesson that I am forced to re-learn on a regular basis. I have a big heart...and it gets me into trouble. I think the best of people. I assume the best, and often get disappointed. I've learned along the way that all that glitters is not necessarily gold. Thankfully, I've been blessed enough to find a few gems along the way. I hope to share them with you...my experience, all good, bad, and ugly. I hope to share some inspiration, relate to some frustration, and speak my mind about things that matter to me. Welcome to my world...hold on tight. It might just be a bumpy ride.

What is justice?

We've been in the throws of one of the most well-known court cases in the world. Orlando has been under the media microscope as the world watched the first degree murder trial of Casey Marie Anthony. In 2008, Casey's two-year old daughter, Caylee, disappeared and a massive ground search began in the hopes of finding either the young child alive, or to find her missing body. Casey story quickly disintegrated and she was charged with capital murder against her toddler.

The following three years were filled with media speculation, accusations, and finger pointing of everyone involved in the trial. After a month long court battle, yesterday it was announced that Casey was acquitted of first degree murder, aggravated manslaughter, and aggravated child abuse. The only charges she was found guilty of is lying to law enforcement about the case. She's up against four guilty charges of false information to a law enforcement officer about a missing person, each with a sentence of up to one year in prison. Since she's already served near three years, it is likely that she will walk scott free after her sentencing on Thursday.

The response of the general public has been one of outcry that no justice has been found for the young child whose life was lost at the hands of lies and deceit. Who killed Caylee? How did she die? What happened and when will we know? How do we feel that justice has been served and why did the jury determine she was not guilty of a crime she so obviously committed?

I have followed this case closely and despite my beliefs that Casey is guilty of negligence, I do believe that the correct decision was made. In a justice system where you have to be guilty without a reasonable doubt in order to be charged, I do not feel that a case was made to prove she was guilty of first degree murder, aggravated manslaughter, or aggravated child abuse. The prosecution did a phenomenal job with what they had to work with, and built a strong case of a pathological liar with serious mental illness. However, her hard partying ways did not show that she abused her daughter, neglected her daughter, or wanted her dead. Do I think she's guilty in the death of that little girl? Yes. But if I were sitting on a jury, could I have sentenced the mother to death based on the information shared? No. There was not enough proof of the crime to charge her with it. As sad as it is, that is the way we have built our justice system, and fact (the facts available to the prosecution during the trial, that is) were not strong enough to sentence her. I don't think the defense did a good job - I think this was a clear cut case and her lawyer did not have to do anything to defend her...the proof just was not there. Casey is calculating and acts with purpose and has done a good job, her entire life, of covering her tracks. This is just another case of a girl too smart for her own good, using it for not so good ways.

My hope is that over time, justice is served. I believe in a higher being and I believe we all face a judgment day. I'm confident that in time, Casey will face her demons and be haunted by her choices. I would not want this on my shoulders on the day I face my maker and believe that what goes around comes around. Casey's quality of life will never be what it was before, and she'll never be able to escape the ridicule and knowledge of the truth. She will live in her own personal prison and be constantly reminded of the poor decisions she made in her life. Maybe that's justice. Maybe it's not. But who am I to judge?

Taking the Road Less Travelled

© Anneliese Quaile

I believe in taking the road less travelled. I believe in making your own footprint, guiding your own path, creating your own destiny. I don't believe that anyone is a victim, only a victim of circumstance. My life has been filled with disappointments, shortcomings and mistreatment. My story is as sad and uplifting as anyone else's. The difference is that I have taken those life stories, lessons, and disappointments and used them as an opportunity for growth and personal development. I refuse to be a martyr, live downtrodden, tyrannized, or to feel powerless by my experiences. I would rather take the bad, learn from it, and use it to build my character. I am happy with who I am - I am strong, faithful, intelligent, and secure. I am slightly broken, but believe I am better for it. I am me. And I'm happy that way.

Frustration is a part of life.

Often times life feels like it puts things in your way just to harm you. Greater beings, karma, human powers...who knows. But it always seems like the universe has a way of playing you like a puppet on a string. Relationships are often similar. You find yourself in a battle between good and evil, trying to be the good supporter, spouse, friend, and relative. Yet often times you often feel misunderstood, misused, ignored, and forgotten. Sometimes I feel like I'm on an island all my own...like no one in the world notices me. And then there's other times that I wish I was on an island all my own and that everyone would just go away.

I don't appreciate feeling used. I'm sure that statement is an unfair assessment of the context it's being used in, but it's still the way I feel. Often times I don't get the affection I wish for, the attention I crave, or the consideration or understanding I feel I deserve. It's times like that that I feel used and treated like a martyr, a slave, or a ward. "Do this for me?", "Where is that?", "Can you do this?", "I need money for...." I feel like I'm here for everyone else's wants and needs, with no consideration of my own. I get frustrated, disappointed, and annoyed. Then I get cranky, and I take it out on those that make me feel that way. Is it fair? Probably not. Is it warranted? Who am I to be the judge? But I've learned over the years that some things never change, and frustration will always be a part of my existence. I can learn to accept it, fight it, or meet it somewhere in the middle. I'm still trying to figure out which one it is I want to do.

Food for Thought....

I just finished the excellent, critically acclaimed book, The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch. I'm sure you've heard of the story - Randy was a Carnagie Mellon professor who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Despite his short time left, Randy gave the ultimate gift to his students, faculty, staff, family, and friends - a "last lecture" to remember forever. Randy's lecture ran the gammot of life lessons learned, mistakes made, and the things not to take for granted. Excellent read...highly recommended. Among his incredibly insightful thoughts and stories, one in particular stood out to me...I thought it was good food for thought:

'When I was finally dismissed, one of the assistant coaches came over to reassure me. "Coach Graham rode you pretty hard, didn't he?" he said. I could barely muster a "yeah." "That's a good thing," the assistant told me. "When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you."

'The lesson has stuck with me my whole life. When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering to tell you anymore, that's a bad place to be. You may not want to hear it, but your critics are often the ones telling you they still love you and care about you, and want to make you better.'

It's New Year's Resolution time, and time to look back on last year's and see how I've done...

New Year's Resolution Update....

It's 2008, and time for a final review of my 2007 new year's resolutions, as well as making my 2008 resolutions.

- Spend more time with my husband. Individual time...quality time. Not, let's run to the grocery store time. So, overall, I think we've done better at this. Definitely can work towards more in 2008, but I think our time together may have become more limited at times, it was quality when we had it. We have some work to do. Work got in the way....Ben's schedule changed and we don't see eachother much.

- Further my education. This does not have to be in the form of actual schooling, but I want to learn more about something. It doesn't even have to be school related, or degree related. I just want to enlighten myself more. Anyone have any suggestions? I have read, read, and read somemore. I've learned some more. Goals for 2008: look into Graduate school more actively and learn to scrapbook. Yeah, so, not so much. I did a little scrapbooking this year, but still haven't taken any classes. I have, however, learned how to sew (basic, but still) and am looking into Graduate school, but not with any seriousness. That will change soon.

- Focus on my health. Ah, the innevitable blip about how I do not focus enough on my health goals, and therefore every year challenge myself to do something about it. This year will be no different. At least, in the challenge that is. Hopefully, with some due dilegence, the outcome will change. Focus includes getting rid of excess weight, unwanted cough, blood pressure medicine, and crazy pills. Crazy pills would be an amazing feat....those are likely with me for life. So my health has been a bit of a rollercoaster....but overall, it's been much better than before. I haven't stuck to the gym like I should, but I have dropped approximately 15 lbs since last year that has remained off, and overall I feel healthier than ever. I made huge strides in changing my health this year. I had weight loss surgery, and am down close to 50lbs. I have a ways to go, but I'm focused. I need to be more dedicated and get my ass in the gym like immediately to further my success, but I am so proud of the steps I've taken thus far. A change has done me good! I feel great!

- Be happier. Stop going through the motions of life and enjoy them. Take some time to stop and smell the roses. Definitely made huge strides here. I have stopped to smell a lot of roses, and worried a lot less. Not happy for the most part. I need to make some changes.

- See friends and family more. Spend that free time seeing people that you don't normalily get to. See friends as much as possible. Visit family as much as possible. Friends has gotten better...family needs to be seen more. Still need to work on this.

- Plan outings. Go to them. That's gonna be carried over to 2008. Still need to work on this. But I have varied my interests this year and seen things I've always wanted to see. Also, we're going to New York for Thanksgiving next year, so I am super excited. New York City, here I come!!!

- Eliminate something significant off that "always wanted to do list." Current ideas: make the t-shirt quilt (this could also serve as the education, since I would need both to complete this task), jump out of a plane, visit California, just to name a few. Ideas? Ok, so I've done a lot of firsts this year....and still coming up with new ones all the time. This has been great!

- Get myself promoted and out of this current position as near as possible to September 1st. This goal is actually carried over from 2006, but can not be accomplished earlier than the September 1st date. I told myself I'd be in this position for a year...Sept. 1st will be the one year date. Yeah....that's a mess. BIG changes with work recently....fingers crossed that it's gotten better...

- Do not quit my job in March. Sounds silly, I know, but I have a track record of 3.5 years with a company. March 07 will be my 3.5 year mark. I don't have any intentions of leaving, and do not really want to, but it all starts out that way. If I do leave, make it worth while. Still there and ticking! I'm a survivor!!

- Love more, argue less. Smile more, pout less. Definitely improved. Work has not helped this.

- Overcome my cold calling weaknesses. Not even a fear anymore.

- Don't get fired. So, I don't think I'm at risk, but....well....you never know. =) I'm a survivor!!

- Learn to love my current position. Yeah, another long story. We'll see...

- Complete this list prior to December 31, 2007. Not bad.... And so starts another one.

The Irony of Election Day...

Today's election day. A pivotal day in the future of our country. Like many of my fellow American's, I stood in line today to cast my vote for our country. I hope you did the same.

On this serious day, I couldn't help but find humor in the scenes I passed. As I drove up to my polling place and walked to the end of the 400 person line, I was struck by how white and Republican we all looked. Talk about stereotyping a group - here we all stood, most of us with our hair perfectly quaffed, our nicely pressed clothing and our designer bags, standing peacefully in line waiting for our turn to change the future. The campaigners stood quietly by the road, raising signs and waving at passing cars and everyone kept to themselves. Is the group actually predominantly Republican? I don't know. But, I would say 300 of us fit the WASP description perfectly....guess I learned today the type of area I live in (not a bad thing...I like a quiet neighborhood). After an hour in line, I completed my task, hopped in my car, and headed on my way.

A couple of hours later, I was headed down Silver Star Road, in the direction of Pine Hills. I had passed several other polling locations along the way, all with varying types of scenes displayed out in front. And then I hit Pine Hills, and the irony of it all hit me.

Just as I crossed over Pine Hills Road, I was greeted by a group of barely 18 year old African American girls, standing in the middle of the road waving Cambrio signs (I dont' know who that is either...not on our voting list), booty dancing to music blasting from the precinct parking lot. The smell of bbq filled the air and what seemed like insanity ensued in the parking lot. Signs were everywhere there was a free spot of land, and the whole thing was a sight you could not miss.

Now, I don't point this out for race purposes, to pick on anyone. I just found the irony in how different cultures and different people live. How funny, that I can drive less than five miles down the road, and be greeted by what seemed like a completely different world? Interesting how some of us take the day so stoicly, as if it were a job, and others celebrate, as if it were a right. I have to appreciate the other precinct for remembering that this is a RIGHT and not a DUTY.

Who has it right? Who knows. Do we have to have it one way or the other? No. But seeing this, I felt like it was clearly divided as to which precinct favored which candidate....and how different people are all other.